Everyday I cry and cry.

  I can’t seem to hold it together.

Why did you have to die? 

  God I’ll never feel better.

I’m such a mess. My feelings I can’t hide

  I can’t explain this crushing pain I feel inside.

My friends just want me to be myself again.

  They miss my jokes, my smiles, my laughter

They just don’t want me to be in pain

  For them I try and pretend its all better

But if you scratch the surface the torrent begins again

  Drowning me in sorrow and pain.

You took part of me to your grave.

  I’ll never be whole again.

I’m torn and twisted, confused

  Please something relieve this pain

And what about Your Kids

  They should be hugging You

And now your baby calls me mom.

  What am I supposed to do? I’m so sorry we failed you.

I try to be strong for everyone else

  But I don’t know how much longer till I break too

I’m a tempest of emotions

  Love and hate coming out all confused

In a lashing fury

  No pattern, no logic behind their use.

I’m consumed with such rage

  Relenting only to tremendous sorrow.

Oh God please please grant me

  Your peace tomorrow

Aug. 2005